You overlooked that the first thing on the page is links to the installation instructions for all platforms – arguably the most important first step if someone wants to start using Anki. 
Then you missed the first sentence above the videos – which cover the major topics.
That’s all before you get to –
You say “wall of text” – I say “important information that answers about 90% of the questions new users have.” 
It is inescapable that if someone wants to learn about how to use Anki, we’re going to have to tell them something. The page offers videos, and it offers text – not sure how the information could be covered better in this particular environment. HOWEVER there’s currently a discussion going on about how to improve our onboarding process for new users – Revisiting onboarding decks and tutorials .